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The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:2, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”

Think about the importance of that verse for just a moment…

Now, how does that passage apply in your marriage? Do you and your spouse just say anything whenever you want, or do you give careful, considerate thought and love to your statements?

The reason why people have so many problems in marriage today is because they often don’t tear down the walls that are built up early on in the relationship. They fool themselves into thinking that everything will shake out. But what they don’t know is that they’re facing a losing battle. Research is clear that marriages are damaged and destroyed in their beginning years because of a lack of intimacy and communication.

In other words, what you often think of as communication in a marriage is really just “talking,” isn’t it? And what you consider to be talking is not really talking at all…it is actually quick and hasty speech – the kind the Lord says should be “few.”

But how do you get past a lack of communication? How do you get to real communication?

Follow these three tips to get started:

1. Understand that your spouse thinks differently than you do.

Not only that, they enjoy the way they think as opposed to how you think. You must come to grips with this reality and deal with it in a loving way. Realize they enjoy seeing things differently and use that insight to your benefit when you communicate with them.

2. Use the same language that your spouse enjoys and feels most comfortable using.

By thinking about your spouse’s comfort level and employing the communication style they’re most comfortable using, you tell them that you care about them and want them to feel good when talking to you. You clearly indicate that you’re putting them first.

3. Listen to what your spouse is saying.

Don’t jump to conclusions. What is it that usually drives you crazy when you talk to people? Isn’t it being cut off when you’re trying to get your point across? In the same way that you don’t enjoy being interrupted, your spouse won’t appreciate not being listened to. Even more, learn to respond to what your husband or wife actually said – not with what you think your point should be. Nothing says, “I care” more than replying to your spouse’s words with careful consideration.

These are just a few tips that’ll help your “talking” become communication. You’ll make things a little easier in your marriage by getting behind the eyes of your spouse and understand how they like to be heard. You will develop better communication skills as a result and your marriage will benefit.